Insanity

So the inevitable happened. I knew it would. I got so fucking mad at them. I actually yelled at them...at everyone. I just couldn't take the fuckery anymore. I packed my shit in the car at 3 am and drove the fuck home. I had plenty of chances to turn around and go back, but I didn't, I couldn't. If I had said I was going to go for a drive, I'd still be there.

I fucking told them a fucking week ago, that I didn't want to go because I knew this shit was going to happen. I was told not to worry about it. I smiled and nodded.

This shit, this fuckery, that I speak of, if you don't know, allow me to get you up to speed. Every time we, the little group of friends, go out, at night, and drink, it ALWAYS ends up in a fight or disagreement. It's this really, jealousy and liquor don't mix. Someone said or did something wrong, the others gets mad and where am I, you ask? Driving, playing ref, controlling the windows and doors so no one can yell out the window or jump out of the vehicle and start fighting with people, oh and there's a lot of yelling, hitting, pulling, pushing.

The clusterfuck of events that took place seemed like they were ever going to end. I just wanted to get them home, so I could leave. I had already made up my mind in the truck. So where should I start? That night, that morning, no, no, from the start of my trip. from the time I got in the car on Padre Island.

Well I was planning to spend the night with the Thetas cause I was a bit tired and had a headache, totally took an awesome nap; however, i decided not to (that's a different story).

So I get in the car and start driving, yeah, I didn't stop to get gas cause I figured there were gonna be some gas stations I just wanted to get out of the traffic that the spring breakers were causing. I actually had to turn around because the people that take care of roads near the TX coast don't fucking believe in signs. I didn't know what fucking mile marker I was at nor how far the next town was. So best bet turn around before you get to far and run out of gas in the middle of the fucking night, alone, in the dark, let's just throw a hell fuck no, I know way better so I busted a 'U' grabbed some fuel for me and the car and I was off...again over the same stretch of highway well for a little bit anyways. I had no real appetite but travelling does that to me and the Thetas had fed me earlier, but way earlier.
I continued on this signless road for miles, in darkness, just me and my fucked up CD. I made a CD for this trip, it's all jacked up. Fuck that CD *throws out window* I had other music, of course so the music kept playing. At one point I wasn't sure if I was even on the right road. Finally a fucking sign! The Sign Fairy must have heard me bitching about not having signs. Hello, in a construction zone post a fucking speed limit sign maybe 2 especially if it last more than a mile, I'm just saying.
So I get to the condo, no clue what time it is, didn't really care, had to pee and I wanted to go to bed. So I end up sharing the sofa bed with the A's. I thought I slept well, woke up ready and wanted to start moving around. I didn't want to lay in bed all damn morning, there was 10 of us, in a 2 bedroom/2 bath condo. Yeah we need to get shit organized. I went to the store, ate breakfast and got ready and so did everyone else.
We make it to the beach and I just didn't have all that great of a time. Too crowded. I wanted to lay out not stand surrounded by a bunch of drunken idiots. We're there for a about 4 hours. We leave. We bicker about were to eat. Whataburger it is.
I didn't say much of nothing during dinner. Ate my food and waited for them to get done. I was a bit upset that I was told I didn't have an input on the conversation at hand cause I wasn't in a relationship. Alright, fine. Didn't say shit until, we got ourselves lost and I had to give up some directions. It's a fucking island. You're options are limited, but I saved the hour and no one in the bed was the wiser that the everyone in the cab was lost. I was trying to be proved wrong. Haha, fuckers.
I was the last to take a shower and the first one to be ready. How exactly does that work. Mint time is extremely slow and disorganized. I kept wandering from room to room, inside, outside, pacing, swaying unable to stand still. I was ready. I wanted to go. We left, well they almost left me cause I wandered off.
We get to Chaos. Discussions on to stay or go. I'm staying, I'll walk back if need be. I'm watching Paul Wall. I move to the head of the pack. I get in, scope out the joint, flirt with the bartender, find out info pertaining to the show, again I scope out the place, find them, I tell them follow me, and I have them stand there, waiting. It was a bit boring and hot just standing there waiting for the doors to open but worth the spot we got.
I don't constantly have to be dancing to be having a good time. I enjoy music just as much as the next person but maybe the song just doesn't move me like the last one. I can stand there and look around and be good. I'm trying to see what's going on around me, unlike you, I don't have to focus my attention on one single person. I can look at whomever I choose. So let me be. I'll let you know if I need your assistance.
I'm good. No, I don't want a drink. I'm good. <~~~I thought my answers to everyone's questions were simple and easy to follow. Guess not.
And the fun begins..........
Out the door, through the crowd, in the truck before everyone, sitting in the drivers seat waiting for them. They probably thought they lost me. I'm good to drive let me just get us home. So shut the fuck up, I don't need your comments, oohs, ahs, or watch outs, just let me drive and put the music on. let's finish off the night on a good note.
One song, I'm flirting with the guys in the jeep next to us. It's easy, but I don't have to worry about anyone getting mad at me. So the road is damn near a parking lot. I'm trying to get through traffic I again don't need you trying to grab at the window buttons or the door locks or the wipers just keep your hands over there.
This always happens, I get distracted with something else and I completely miss what starts the rampage. And this is where I lost totally track of time. Last time I check my time was 1:50 and I was in the club at 4 am I was on the bridge.
So I'm trying to drive and catch the boxing match next to me. There's a lot of yelling and hitting. I'm still not quite sure what started everything. I had to actually put the truck in park and try to restore order. Not happening.
Mind you, I'm still trying to cross traffic and pedestrians. Now one of my rumbustious people in the cab decides she's gonna open her mouth and yell out the window at someone that was walking in front of the truck that I waved on. This starts a 'Let's see who's dick is bigger' contest and they clear the truck, like turning on the light and watching roaches scatter. One to start the fight, two to help or stop the fight, you pick cause I don't know. And I'm left struggle with the the other, so she doesn't jump out and take off walking.
Once we get back to the condo, they start fighting with everyone in the courtyard. Condos clear, shoes are thrown, pushing, shoving, yelling, then slamming of doors and silence outside. But the confusion continues indoors. This is where I yell "EVERYONE IN THIS CONDO NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" I quickly sum up the events and end with "FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M LEAVING"
I start gathering my shit that I had already gotten ready for this exact moment. I quit paying attention to my surrounding at that moment and went on about my business. They finally quit guarding the door and I packed my shit and left.

Those last few hours where a complete blur to me. All I know is that, all the way home, the only thing I could think about was how upset I was at myself for going, knowing that it would end up that way. I talked to them after I got home and they acted like nothing happened. I do remember something random I heard "Oh they fight all the time but never this bad." Why is this the norm? When did it become the norm? Relationships aren't supposed to be that turbulent.

So after week of marinating in this and not hearing one word from anybody. I have decided that for my birthday outing, they are not invited. If they ask, I'm tell them the truth, I've made plans with other people because I'm not putting up with this shit anymore, and until they work out their drinking issues, I won't be attending any functions with them that involve drinking.

I just can't do it anymore.




Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein

Waft.

The air in the room is crisp yet stale. There is an aura of joy and discontent hovering amongst the guest. It is just a room full of strangers yet acquaintances. Music filling the awkward silences that follow pointless conversations filled with empty chatters of nonsense, pleasantries, gossip. The art on the walls distract dishonest eyes and occupy the judgmental looks. People constantly moving like the flow of a river. Drifting ever so closely to one another yet never colliding.

I'm like ehh with a lil uhhrrr and bit a mhmm

So I call you to talk to about what's going on in your world but you insist on telling me stupid shit. I wonder why I do this. Agree to go knowing damn well it'll end in chaos. And it's not even me causing the trouble. I normally get into trouble when I'm on my own, I don't need your help that for damn sure. Plus, the mischief that I cause is mischief not drama. Huge fucking difference in my book.

So again with the internal struggle on where to go. Do I stand up or show up?
Would they expect that from me? I've already voiced my opinion on the matter.
So if I don't show they already should know and they can't be too mad at me.
Right?

But I say fuck it. I should go. I should disappear, find me a townie, find a cool hole in the wall with a live band and check out a fucking show. I'll spend the time with y'all but I'm not spending all 24 hours for about 3 days with you. You are fucking insane. One of us might not make it out and I have a Policy presentation of Tuesday. Gotta hit up the Bungee Jumping thing for sure. Beach no doubt.

This is it. I'm going. I'm going to have fun. I'm going with positive energy. I'm going to South Padre Island for Spring Break 2010. On my own terms, if that doesn't fit into your schedule of bullshit, let me apologize in advance. I'm sorry let me get on top of giving a fuck right quick. I'm going be the only single, adult there, everyone else has their significant other that drives them nuts. I'm also going in my own car because of that fact.

This is gonna be a good spring break. It's my last one. Better make this bitch count. Watch out SPI, Mint's coming to raise hell.

Balance.

In his hand a thick, frayed, copper chain. His fingers weaved into the links. The frayed pieces digging into his skin. Blood trickling down from the cuts. His arm appears from within a thunderhead like a bolt of lightening. Lightening strikes his hand and the chain. Conducting the electricity, used to power himself, through the chain to give energy, to give life to the three that await below.

At the end of the chain a beam holds a pair of scales. All the copper allows the electricity to flow through the balance. Shifting the delicate balance with even the slightest movement, three beautiful, powerful, graceful yet deadly beasts stalk the electrified scales.

A lioness, the pride leader, sits with her head up, her watchful eyes seeing everything from the left side of the scale. She watches her pride, do they need her help? Do they need her care? Can she teach them what she knows? Do they need her protection? She sits watching, waiting, ready.

A panther with her hidden spots, perched ready to pounce is also on the left. Silent and still. She sits and waits, watching the other two. Weighing her options. Listening to her surroundings. Absorbing. Trying to figure out the when the next move will happen.

A tiger prowls the right scale. The constant sway from her impatient pace gracefully disrupts the delicate force that binds them. A hypnotic rhythm that blends into her stripes confuses most but the two on the other side, see her movements before she does. They know what she'll do but when is what they wait for.

All taking place over the edge of the world, were the sky and the ocean meet. On a night when the Gods are riled up. Colorful and vibrate and dark. The moment before the calm before the storm. Where you feel the energy building in the air. Then the lightening strikes. The Gods rage but the hand holds steady. Never once releasing his grip on what holds three of the most dearest creatures in his eyes.

Search

Why the fuck would you post a picture of you doing any type of illegal activity? I mean common fucking sense really. Don't think I'm judging these idiots for what they are doing. No, no do what you do but be smart about it. It can be used against you, as long as the evidence is obtained using good methods. You're fucked.

It just irritates me. Maybe it's cause I don't understand their lifestyle. Maybe that's the way they roll. Fuck it, I guess. *throws hands up* It is what it is. Maybe cause I'd like to think that people were a little smarter than that.

Maybe we didn't graduate from college but no for lack of effort but other factors. I don't know your story, I know mine, but you been around long enough to know that pictures don't lie. And then to be all fucking proud of you doing some illegal activity.

I'm taking two Law type classes and they are interesting as shit but I just can't do it for living. All those damn rules and cases. My Law and Procedures class has been just learning about the 4Th amendment. Having do to with search and seizures. It's fucking insane. This rant has been based on Mint's insanity. lol.