Insanity

So the inevitable happened. I knew it would. I got so fucking mad at them. I actually yelled at them...at everyone. I just couldn't take the fuckery anymore. I packed my shit in the car at 3 am and drove the fuck home. I had plenty of chances to turn around and go back, but I didn't, I couldn't. If I had said I was going to go for a drive, I'd still be there.

I fucking told them a fucking week ago, that I didn't want to go because I knew this shit was going to happen. I was told not to worry about it. I smiled and nodded.

This shit, this fuckery, that I speak of, if you don't know, allow me to get you up to speed. Every time we, the little group of friends, go out, at night, and drink, it ALWAYS ends up in a fight or disagreement. It's this really, jealousy and liquor don't mix. Someone said or did something wrong, the others gets mad and where am I, you ask? Driving, playing ref, controlling the windows and doors so no one can yell out the window or jump out of the vehicle and start fighting with people, oh and there's a lot of yelling, hitting, pulling, pushing.

The clusterfuck of events that took place seemed like they were ever going to end. I just wanted to get them home, so I could leave. I had already made up my mind in the truck. So where should I start? That night, that morning, no, no, from the start of my trip. from the time I got in the car on Padre Island.

Well I was planning to spend the night with the Thetas cause I was a bit tired and had a headache, totally took an awesome nap; however, i decided not to (that's a different story).

So I get in the car and start driving, yeah, I didn't stop to get gas cause I figured there were gonna be some gas stations I just wanted to get out of the traffic that the spring breakers were causing. I actually had to turn around because the people that take care of roads near the TX coast don't fucking believe in signs. I didn't know what fucking mile marker I was at nor how far the next town was. So best bet turn around before you get to far and run out of gas in the middle of the fucking night, alone, in the dark, let's just throw a hell fuck no, I know way better so I busted a 'U' grabbed some fuel for me and the car and I was off...again over the same stretch of highway well for a little bit anyways. I had no real appetite but travelling does that to me and the Thetas had fed me earlier, but way earlier.
I continued on this signless road for miles, in darkness, just me and my fucked up CD. I made a CD for this trip, it's all jacked up. Fuck that CD *throws out window* I had other music, of course so the music kept playing. At one point I wasn't sure if I was even on the right road. Finally a fucking sign! The Sign Fairy must have heard me bitching about not having signs. Hello, in a construction zone post a fucking speed limit sign maybe 2 especially if it last more than a mile, I'm just saying.
So I get to the condo, no clue what time it is, didn't really care, had to pee and I wanted to go to bed. So I end up sharing the sofa bed with the A's. I thought I slept well, woke up ready and wanted to start moving around. I didn't want to lay in bed all damn morning, there was 10 of us, in a 2 bedroom/2 bath condo. Yeah we need to get shit organized. I went to the store, ate breakfast and got ready and so did everyone else.
We make it to the beach and I just didn't have all that great of a time. Too crowded. I wanted to lay out not stand surrounded by a bunch of drunken idiots. We're there for a about 4 hours. We leave. We bicker about were to eat. Whataburger it is.
I didn't say much of nothing during dinner. Ate my food and waited for them to get done. I was a bit upset that I was told I didn't have an input on the conversation at hand cause I wasn't in a relationship. Alright, fine. Didn't say shit until, we got ourselves lost and I had to give up some directions. It's a fucking island. You're options are limited, but I saved the hour and no one in the bed was the wiser that the everyone in the cab was lost. I was trying to be proved wrong. Haha, fuckers.
I was the last to take a shower and the first one to be ready. How exactly does that work. Mint time is extremely slow and disorganized. I kept wandering from room to room, inside, outside, pacing, swaying unable to stand still. I was ready. I wanted to go. We left, well they almost left me cause I wandered off.
We get to Chaos. Discussions on to stay or go. I'm staying, I'll walk back if need be. I'm watching Paul Wall. I move to the head of the pack. I get in, scope out the joint, flirt with the bartender, find out info pertaining to the show, again I scope out the place, find them, I tell them follow me, and I have them stand there, waiting. It was a bit boring and hot just standing there waiting for the doors to open but worth the spot we got.
I don't constantly have to be dancing to be having a good time. I enjoy music just as much as the next person but maybe the song just doesn't move me like the last one. I can stand there and look around and be good. I'm trying to see what's going on around me, unlike you, I don't have to focus my attention on one single person. I can look at whomever I choose. So let me be. I'll let you know if I need your assistance.
I'm good. No, I don't want a drink. I'm good. <~~~I thought my answers to everyone's questions were simple and easy to follow. Guess not.
And the fun begins..........
Out the door, through the crowd, in the truck before everyone, sitting in the drivers seat waiting for them. They probably thought they lost me. I'm good to drive let me just get us home. So shut the fuck up, I don't need your comments, oohs, ahs, or watch outs, just let me drive and put the music on. let's finish off the night on a good note.
One song, I'm flirting with the guys in the jeep next to us. It's easy, but I don't have to worry about anyone getting mad at me. So the road is damn near a parking lot. I'm trying to get through traffic I again don't need you trying to grab at the window buttons or the door locks or the wipers just keep your hands over there.
This always happens, I get distracted with something else and I completely miss what starts the rampage. And this is where I lost totally track of time. Last time I check my time was 1:50 and I was in the club at 4 am I was on the bridge.
So I'm trying to drive and catch the boxing match next to me. There's a lot of yelling and hitting. I'm still not quite sure what started everything. I had to actually put the truck in park and try to restore order. Not happening.
Mind you, I'm still trying to cross traffic and pedestrians. Now one of my rumbustious people in the cab decides she's gonna open her mouth and yell out the window at someone that was walking in front of the truck that I waved on. This starts a 'Let's see who's dick is bigger' contest and they clear the truck, like turning on the light and watching roaches scatter. One to start the fight, two to help or stop the fight, you pick cause I don't know. And I'm left struggle with the the other, so she doesn't jump out and take off walking.
Once we get back to the condo, they start fighting with everyone in the courtyard. Condos clear, shoes are thrown, pushing, shoving, yelling, then slamming of doors and silence outside. But the confusion continues indoors. This is where I yell "EVERYONE IN THIS CONDO NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" I quickly sum up the events and end with "FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M LEAVING"
I start gathering my shit that I had already gotten ready for this exact moment. I quit paying attention to my surrounding at that moment and went on about my business. They finally quit guarding the door and I packed my shit and left.

Those last few hours where a complete blur to me. All I know is that, all the way home, the only thing I could think about was how upset I was at myself for going, knowing that it would end up that way. I talked to them after I got home and they acted like nothing happened. I do remember something random I heard "Oh they fight all the time but never this bad." Why is this the norm? When did it become the norm? Relationships aren't supposed to be that turbulent.

So after week of marinating in this and not hearing one word from anybody. I have decided that for my birthday outing, they are not invited. If they ask, I'm tell them the truth, I've made plans with other people because I'm not putting up with this shit anymore, and until they work out their drinking issues, I won't be attending any functions with them that involve drinking.

I just can't do it anymore.




Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein