I remember this dream I had as a senior in high school. I again find myself a senior in college. Ten years. Ten fucking years and I still remember this dream. What does it mean know, ten years later? Hindsight is 20/20. Was my dream a warning or did I make it become a reality? I'll never really know.
The Dream:
I, we, the usual group of friends from my senior year. Me, Matthew, Val, Aaron, were at Val's house. Val's house is down an old farm road down a hill a little bit of the road. The house faces northeast. As we sat there bullshitting, like we did. The guys doing who knows what, Me trying to have a conversation with Val's sisters who don't understand a person like me. Holding a baby that I was never comfortable with, named Angel.
The day was sunny nothing out of the ordinary. I was standing on the front porch. i hear what I think is the guys coming from the back but rounding the corner of the house, a man. But not any man, I could feel the evil he emitted, I could smell my own fear. His face is indescribable but I see it clearly in my mind. His smile. His eyes. His voice rings in my ears as if I had just left a concert.
Walks up, stands in front of me and asked for the child. I refuse. He demands and gets nothing from me. He begins to walk away, heading east, he says "I will get her". And as quickly he appeared he was gone.
My translation:
I remember waking up unable to breath, in a cold sweat, disoriented. I was headed east in a couple months, off to SFA. I should have never gone east. The same direction he was headed as he spoke. He was going ahead of me, preparing for my arrival.
The baby represented my innocence, I was only a teenager. Only beginning to learn a few of life's many lessons, thinking like every other teenager, that, I was invincible but out of nowhere comes heartbreak not only in love but in life. The innocence of a young girl about to be lost, taken, given, shared, destroyed.
The familiar place just means that I was never going to find a home where I went. I still haven't found that place to call home.
He caught my eye. His smile, His eyes, the two features that I'm most attracted to in men. Your eyes are the windows to your soul and the truth or lies that come out of your mouth. But he doesn't not just represent men but also all the other vices that waited ahead.
I should have never gone east.
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shoulda, woulda, coulda.....we cant live with regret. No matter what happens or happened. All adventures, good & bad are lessons learned to make us the person we have to become. We sometimes want to forget the past but repressing it wont make it go away. The past can come back to haunt you 10 fold sometimes. We all have to go through our ghosts, past, present and future. How we walk away from them makes us stronger, more understanding, makes us love harder, makes us enjoy the simplest pleasures. You find those who are your friends and those who are your acquiesces. And in the end, those who remember us will talk of our stories.
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